January; the time for new beginnings according to the Gregorian calendar.
We often think of new beginnings as something exciting, shiny and new, like the birth of a child, a new relationship, a new career, so much potential, so much hope. We are at the beginning but we also have expectations about what could be, hopes for the future and attachment to outcome. At times it is very evident what our attachments are, my new job will bring me more money and happiness for example. This relationship will be the one where I find true love, or at least participate in a healthy relationship without drama is another example. Sometimes the expectations and attachments are more subtle. Going into buying a new car just wanting the car to run but when it does not run getting upset and wondering why things like this always happen to me. There is a hope the car will run and an underlying expectation that one does not get to have things that work and neither will this car.
Expectations are a form of judgment, as if they are not met there is an underlying way it “should” be. This is different from morality as morality is a value system, something that is important and a value is lived. It is not put out for others to adhere to, it is your value and you live it. An expectation or judgment is put out for all to adhere to with a universal right and wrong. The consequence of some expectations are small, a little disappointment that the cake was not chocolate, but some have major consequences in our lives. Unmet expectations of ourselves often lead to shame which makes us ineffective in shifting behaviors or expectations. Judgments and expectations of others interfere in relationships and make compassion very difficult.
Some new beginnings require much hard work. Shifting expectations, judgments and releasing attachment to outcomes is some of the hardest work an individual can take on, especially the self judgments and expectations. I would invite you to start a new beginning this year, using the winter to clarify your values, the ones you choose to live by, taking the time to go inside and really find compassion for yourself and clarity in who you are. And as you find those values, I would invite you to drop the expectations and judgments of yourself and others. There lies the hard work. I think it is work that is done throughout a lifetime and at each level of dropping judgments and expectations, there is a little more freedom and a little more compassion. I would invite you to attend one of our workshops and find the sludge that keeps you from dropping judgments and expectations of yourself and others. Come spend a day in nature exploring the season of what’s unfolding within you.
